Investigation Into Anti-American Elements in the U.S. Government

ANTI-AMERICAN ACTIVITY: Barack Obama's proposal to raise the tax rate on the top income bracket from 35% to 39% -- A shamelessly Socialist redistribution of wealth.

SUMMARY OF RESULTS: Shockingly, we found that many commies, pinkos, and subversives with ideas far more radical even than Obama's had already infiltrated the highest reaches of American government and political philosophy.

CASES 1-5:

ADAM SMITH

Wrote that it's reasonable for the wealthy to pay taxes at a higher rate than the poor.
We were very surprised to find out that the FOUNDER OF CAPITALISM, who died 28 years before Karl Marx was born, was a dirty, stinking, commie.



BILL "HAMMER AND SICKLE" CLINTON

Under Clinton's evil anti-American reign, the tax rate on the top bracket was the same 39% Obama is proposing, and America suffered through the longest economic expansion in its history.

DWIGHT "BOLSHEVIK" EISENHOWER

Makes Obama look like Gordon Gekko.
Under his presidency (with a republican congress), the U.S. had a 91% top tax rate.
Welcome to the collective, Ike.




RICHARD "THE RED" NIXON

Top tax bracket under Nixon's spread-the-wealth regime: 70%.
There was a certain commie-hunter congressman from California in the 1950s who would have liked to have gotten his hands on this pinko.



JOHN MCCAIN

In 2001, voted against lowering the top tax rate from 39% to Bush's proposed 35%.

"Comrade" McCain defended the progressive tax system, denying that it's Socialism: "When you reach a certain level of comfort, there's nothing wrong with paying somewhat more."




CONCLUSION: Suspect many more Americans believe in this commie so-called "progressive tax system.

RECOMMENDATION: Domestic spying, enhanced interrogations, purges, re-education gulags -- to root out such radicals and undesirables. These measures must be taken to ensure pro-American values in the motherland.




(Thanks to Tom the Dancing Bug)

Election Day

Well, it's finally over. On one hand, I really don't know what I'm going to do without my morning routine of 2 cups of coffee and 1-2 hours of poring over news, blogs, satires, and otherwise general campaign coverage. On the other hand, I'm quite thrilled at the end of campaign commercials, smear campaigns, and mudslinging.

The moment I realized that the projection was fact, and not a premature "Dewey defeats Truman" type announcement, I felt that a huge weight had been lifted. For one, the election was over (see above), but more importantly, the candidate whom I believe to be much more apt to bring the country together and begin the process of rebuilding the country's economy, our standing in the world, our pride in our own country, the all but forgotten "American Dream," and our ability and desire to unite and stand up as one nation together, working toward the future, won the election.

On November 5th, I do not feel the need to explain why I supported Obama in his campaign for presidency. I also do not feel that an explanation is necessary for why anyone will support him during his presidency. It should go without saying that you support your president. Especially after this, the so-called most important election of our time. In my life, there has never been a more important time to support our elected leaders.


Tonight I was moved immensely by the speeches that both candidates offered. As an American politician, it goes without saying that the candidate not elected would stand up, offer his congratulations to the winner, and wish him well. But tonight, John McCain stood tall and encouraged all his supporters amid quieting their boos to look to the future, and support the next President. What surprised me is not that he said it, but that he meant it. There was a sincerity present in his voice that filled me with respect, pride, and hope. Hope that maybe this country would not remain divided in half as the campaign season had laid the groundwork for, but that maybe the disappointed supporters would actually try to support their newly elected leader and let the grudges and frustrations fall away. John McCain ended his campaign with grace, honor, and respect for a man who truly earned it.

Barack Obama's acceptance speech was arguably the most inspiring thing I have ever heard in my life. No one can honestly say that today was not one of the most important days in our history, and I know that we will all remember this day for the rest of our lives, and our children will learn of this day from us, and their children will read of it in their history books. And say whatever negative things you can try to come up with about Obama's rhetoric and his glib and somehow "untrustworthy" charisma, But tonight he stood in front of the nation that spoke with a resounding desire for change and belief that he is the one to deliver that change, and uttered the kind of words that will be remembered for years to come for his dedication to the citizens of this great country that allowed him to achieve all that he has. His plea to all his opposition was not to turn and follow, but to allow him the chance to win their support. This man is what America needs, and he is the sort of leader we have been waiting for for a very long time.

As the grand weight of tonight slowly sinks in, and I wonder about the implications for our future, I'm nervous and I'm excited. I hope for two things in the coming years. I hope that most if not all Americans will put aside disagreements and support our elected leader in his difficult crusade to repair our broken country. And I hope most of all that the campaign doesn't lose steam. As Obama said tonight... this isn't the victory, this is just the opportunity to achieve that victory, and the road ahead is long and difficult. I believe he has the conviction to stick with it, and I sincerely hope that after all that has been said, and all that has been promised, he and Joe Biden do not lose steam but keep pushing hard for a better America.

It can only get better from here, and we're all in this together.


I am out of breath tonight, and I can honestly say that I'm damn proud to be an American.

And now, some selections from our excursion to Chapel Hill, NC this past weekend to see the Bushes (and Brian Doug as a bonus):

In case you can't tell... she LOVES this hat

Happy Ridiculously Early Birthday To Stephen!

(Notice EJ's attraction to fire...)

So there you go. Good times had by all, and the Bushes are saints for letting Brian and Kelly and myself all crash in their living room. It was really fantastic to be able to go up there to be with some great friends again. Miss you guys already...