Everything's Bigger...

Back in Texas.

We went to Northpark Mall today.  Wow.  What an eye-opening experience.  We have been living in such small towns for so many years... I almost forgot what being in - I mean really IN a big city was like.  I was in such a small world in Athens.  I love that little world, but it's so tiny.  Just makes ya think...

Also religion.  wow.  need to expand on that at some point.  Went to 10 AM mass with Aunt Mary and Hannah yesterday.  as usual, my mind was racing the whole time trying to nail down what I believe, what I want out of religion (if anything at all), and what course of action I should take in moving what's left of my spirituality in a forward direction.  I'll dive into that later.

So, this trip to Athens didn't end up happening... the court date is set for late April, so looks like it'll be another month before I head back East.  It's much more convenient that way though.  Now I get to spend a little more time in Dallas before we head to El Paso on Wednesday.  And I CANNOT wait to get to El Paso.  Ah home.  Should be fun.  And the Mexican food... drool...

Little tiny paragraphs reminding me of things to expand on later when I have more time.

Once we land in El Paso, I have a number of goals I'm setting out for myself.  My first goal has been going well so far.  Once we get settled in though, I'm ready to continue moving toward a healthier lifestyle.  Also, i would like to start writing more.  And blogging.  I don't care if you imaginary people don't read it, I want to get my thoughts out.  When I write, I focus my mind.  Then I begin to do research, think more open-mindedly, learn a lot more about the world around me as well as myself, and I feel more comfortable in who I am.  Plus, on the off chance someone I know actually reads this, they'll have an idea of what's going on in our lives/my life.

The page has been turned on the next chapter of our lives.  I'm glad my sense of adventure is still alive and kicking, cuz this should be interesting.

Stay tuned

sw

Blog as air vent

Dear imaginary readers of my blog,

I'm annoyed. As usual, whenever anything major happens politically, news, blogs, and the face place all explode with loaded banter about who's an idiot and which party will ultimately be responsible for the inevitable downfall of our country in the next few days. Sadly, though I try, I find it nigh impossible to stay above the fray. So rather than joining the lowest common denominator calling every conservative i know an idiot on facebook, I'm just gonna release a little air through the vent of this blog.

If you know me, it's no secret that I skew liberal. In fact, I'd say it's been an exponentially left-moving trend for me over the last 5 years or so. And I don't want to put anyone in a box, but more and more I feel like conservative loudmouths are much... well, lack more common sense than the loudmouths on the other side.

Case in point: (seriously, I can't stop myself. but better here than on a public forum where i become a loudmouth idiot too...) I just came across a facebook fan page called "I hate it when I wake up in the morning and Barack Obama is president." First of all, I love hearing people say things like this, and "he's taking over the country" et cetera ad nauseam. It's like he just snuck into the office of president without anyone noticing and started implementing his evil agenda. Let's flash all the way back to 2008 for a refresher. Popular vote : Obama - 66.8 million, McCain - 58.3 million. Electoral vote: Obama more than doubled McCain's electoral votes. So he didn't creep in there without us noticing. he's there because we put him there. Same reason Bush was there for 8 years. Please stop forgetting that WE vote for the president.

Needless to say, once I found this page, I couldn't wait to see what nuggets of wisdom I would find within. Mostly hateful rhetoric, as expected. but here's an absolute gem from a couple days ago:

"Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." --Benjamin Franklin

Think about that. Based on the fact that this was posted on this page, I have to assume it's meant to be pointed against Obama. But i don't get it. Obama's most controversial topic: healthcare. He wants to give uninsured people more affordable insurance options, while placing restrictions on insurance companies so they will cover more people. Tending towards socialism? Sure. giving up essential liberty for safety? Just doesn't seem applicable. Know what that quote IMMEDIATELY brings to mind? The patriot act. Remember that? Remember back when there were issues more important than the SOCIALIST limitations being imposed on insurers? Remember when we were actually facing the possibility of martial law in this country? Yeah, GW Bush fits that quote to a tee.

This is just one of the things that supremely irritate me about underinformed political bitching. Figure out why you're mad before you start yelling. Educate yourself a little before you start quoting facts.

For all my searching, I still can't find any sort of connection between this healthcare bill passing and the ripping apart of our country at the seams. The baby step towards socialized medicine - that I understand. A lot of people really don't want that setup in this country. But placing regulations on insurers and setting up new ways for people in this country to be able to afford healthcare? How is this bad for us? If you make over 200 grand in a year, your taxes are going to go up. but guess what? you can afford it. If you work in a company that has over 50 employees and havent had the option of healthcare benefits, now you will. Why is it bad for the leaders of our country to care about the wellbeing of its citizens?

Another favorite quote I found on my news feed today:

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

I realize I'm going out on a limb assuming this is in reference to anything political, but it was posted by two separate friends, both of whom are outspoken righties, and on the morning after the healthcare business. So, to point out the (what really really seems like it should be) obvious, this quote refers to one having the courage to not just follow as others do, but to make your own decisions to lead others. One could argue that this quote highlights the virtue in making and standing by decisions that are unpopular, but that you believe are right for yourself. That could be stretching it, but I think any English teacher would give me points for that. Here I go again with the obvious stuff... Republicans are pissed that Obama has pushed for and succeeded in passing this healthcare bill decrying it as being unwanted by most in the country. His whole first year in office all we heard was "he promised this, but hasn't done it yet!" "It was all talk! broken promises!" etc. So now, Obama followed through on his biggest campaign promise and they're still mad. "He's ruining America!" Yeah, he did exactly what he said he was going to do 2 years ago. And he stands by the decision he made, even though a large chunk of people disagree with him. So please explain how posting this quote doesn't actually show support for the president.

It's all starting to become word vomit now. I'm just saying stuff. But I get really irritated with so much hypocrisy. If you don't like the party in power, you will always find something to bitch about. if he doesnt keep promises, you won't hesitate to point it out. If he does keep them, you call him unconstitutional for pushing through what he said he would accomplish. Dems forget that they did the exact same thing when Bush was in office, and Reps forget all the stuff Bush did that so much of the country was opposed to. No one can agree to disagree and hope to work together for the betterment of the country. Everyone just wants to be right.

Obama wants the healthcare system to be reformed. Many people disagree with him, but he has not slowed down pushing reform through. Not because he wants to destroy capitalism, but because he wants to make healthcare more accessible to people in the country. George Bush invaded Afghanistan and started a war in Iraq, and most people in the country disagreed with his decisions. But he didn't do it because he was Yosemite Sam, he did it because after we were attacked on our own soil, he did what seemed necessary to keep us all safe in a scary time. On the whole, when Dems disagree with what the prez does, and when his decisions have negative repercussions, they'll never let Reps forget about it (look what happened to our international standing after invading Iraq). Conversely, when Reps disagree with what the prez does, they cry doomsday. They never wait to see what happens, but just yell about how screwed we all are. Just stop with the fearmongering. In an ideal America, we wouldn't use all this as ammunition, but rather as lessons for the future. We wouldn't be so shortsided as to say that this healthcare bill is killing our country, but accept that it's passed and hope that it works as it's supposed to. What probably will kill our country is not policy decisions made in congress, but the constant state of near-civil war we can't seem to put an end to. It's like a big target on our asses for the properly prepared "terrorists."

Done for now. If I hear one more person use the words "falling apart","dissolving", "Socialist", or the like to describe the government and the passing of this bill (which is almost nothing compared the socialized institutions of medicare and social security), I'm going to walk into traffic. Wait, scratch that... I don't have insurance.

If I were moving, you would know about it

I had a thought. Since so many people feel compelled to make assumptions about my plans with regard to moving and what that means for THEM, I thought I'd go ahead and clear some things up.

Yes, I have been talking about moving out of Athens. I think I started doing so about 2 weeks after I got here. So that's been just shy of two and a half years that I've been talking about it. It's not new.

Have I said anything about plans to move? No. I have not given any sort of notice at work. I am still living, working, and paying taxes in Georgia, and have not looked for jobs or places to live in any other city. So what does that say?

Yes, Kelly has graduated and is looking for jobs in other cities. The fact that I even need to direct attention to the national 10% unemployment rate is stupid, but who assumes that once someone applies for a job, particularly a very specialized job, its a done deal and we'll be out of here asap? Seriously? I know more people now than ever before who keep a job they hate and make less than they need just because there are not any other jobs available.

Meanwhile, it would sure be nice to hear "I really hope Kelly can find a job soon - I know this job market is terrible" instead of "you guys are moving? that sucks!"

I don't want to sound ungrateful - I really do appreciate the sentiment that were I to leave, I would be missed. But right now, I've been homeless for 5 months, Kelly's been jobless for as long, and I'm sure as hell not making enough money to support both of us, so when the possibility of us moving out of Athens in the relatively near future comes up, I don't want to hear people complaining about having do deal with certain employees who will remain after I leave, and I sure as hell don't want to deal with the vulture employees circling my head for word of if and when they might be able to take my job.

If you want to know if we're leaving, try asking one of us.

Dusting off and old chestnut

First month of 2010. I decided that it's time to start chronicling the mildly interesting events of the past several months of my life, complete with homelessness, wife joblessness, car ridiculousness, and various other -nesses. So let the semi-narcissistic, ultra-verbose, and bland humor-laden chronicling begin.

...

Later. Going to get sushi. Then chronicles.

More thoughts...

So I can't sleep. I woke up at 8:45 this morning, hung out with my parents for a bit before they left town, and then headed back home. rather than go back to sleep in anticipation of my 12 hour work shift, I headed to the pool and spent 2 and a half hours there. then, instead of taking a nap, i watched an hour and a half of 30 rock and headed to work with a sandwich in my stomach and a soda in my hand. Here's where the story is headed: after 10 hours or so, I got my second wind. Damn that second wind. If I'm not competing in... well, anything, it's completely worthless. because I got this gust of energy at 1 am and now i can't effing sleep. so.

What the hell is up with people who want to act political but really a) don't know shit about politics, b) just seem to want to stir the waters rather than say something worth saying, c) just want to piss people off (which is not that different from old number "b" there), or d)... well, i guess my beef can be crudely broken down into those 3 categories. Seriously. Act your damn age. Also, guys that beat women. What the hell man? Here's how you impress people and make this society look good: Stop being dickheads, douchebags, and assholes and start treating people around you with respect. Parents, do me a favor and teach your kids something more than where to score a rock, why Jesus will always be disappointed in you, or why president so and so sucks so bad. Maybe we will survive, but probably not.

poetry, lyrical prowess, and train of thought

Fear. Talent. Replacement. Being present.
Music that makes sense, not noise. Music that makes you think. People.
Closeness. Relationships. ambivalence... hatred. replacement of hatred because of necessity. Necessity. Theres a daddy longlegs crawling across the floor. Stella missed it when she walked right by it. it looked like a bean grew legs. dead now. she found it.
Friends, enemies, forced animosity. ambivalence...
Why are people and i inclined to want to try to control other people's lives? what's the gain when you tell someone you think they're full of shit? compliments go far, criticism just goes backwards. Shouldn't. think about who you are. what you are. who you connect to.
Alcohol.
Children are tiny drunk adults.

No, really.

Alcohol brings you back to childhood, removes the filter of all you've learned to hide, all the pretense you're supposed to have. Watch a drunk person in a bar, then watch a child. compare and contrast. The child doesnt care about sex. there's the difference. Character. character is who you are when no one else is around. learned. Childhood. childness is who you are when you're drunk. the purest self that can be found, affected only by your motivation for drinking. not accounting for moods, who you are when you are drunk is your childness. Its who you are sans filter. thoughts, desires, countenance. asshole or sweetheart. Your friends know. Can't tell those closest, but we know. we see what you don't.
Friendships are most valuable. distance is a bitch.
Lyrical prowess. beautiful chords with no soul. worthless. love music or don't play. be an adult. if you don't like something get out or shut up. there is a time for bitching. there's a time to be an adult. know your place. no need to love your circumstances, but know where your allegiance lies. allegiance lies. everyone hates their job, you're not special. save it until after work when you have a cigarette and a beer. you're not helping anyone by bringing everyone down. grow up.
Trains. There's a train. The sound of trains brings me back home. every place i've lived i could hear the sound of a train outside my bedroom window. soothing. home. connections. places past and friends you long for. people you need to survive. loving what you have. Cherish those close to you.
What happens when you embrace and try to understand vice rather than reject it while still being slave to it? experiment?
Daddy long legs still alive... inspecting... ignoring... teeth too small, no need to worry.

never ignore love. love levitates you. embrace love. spread love.

gRammer>?

Ok... so what's the deal with grammar?

I'm definitely a math-minded person.
I know, statistics show that on the whole, men are generally more math minded, and women more english/grammar-minded, but even so... WTF?

Is it Georgia? Is it the south? What's the deal here?

I am not very good about timelines. I can't remember how old I was when I had my bowl-el-paso birthday party or my Easter birthday party, and even though they are both significant in my mind, there are people that can remember exactly how old they were when so and so said such and such. Me, I can remember time frames, but not specifics. But I DO remember my seventh grade english class. That class I remember very well. And for whatever reason, whatever Mrs. Roarke had to say just stuck. And so now I just can't figure out why the simple grammatical (not gramatical) rules I learned back then still seem to stay with me now.

Today I (seen) lots of good buddies of mine. We got together and (done) had a good old time. We got together, (done) brewed some beer, and had (us) a good old time. But for all the folks i (seen) today out at the store and (c)here at home, I'll be damned if I (hain't heard me) some strange (talkin) the whole time.

Now, I understand the value of regional dialect. I'm perfectly happy saying that I'm fixin-a go down to the mercado to grab me a couple-a cases of cervezas. Hell, I was raised in central and western Texas. We blend some normal sayings and some Spanish sayings right into one. But it goes beyond dialect. It's like a cultural acceptance of terrible grammar.

Let me restate my science background. You can't be imprecise. Don't you tell me you needed .2 ounces of something when you really needed .02, because dammit, I'll measure out 2/10 of an ounce for you. This is sadly helpful in my field of >ahem< bartending when you measure liquor in ounces and quarter ounces. I can also handle a little fudging... people slur, people create their own "dialects"... and we blur the exact number of ounces in some drinks. That's the power of being on top people ;)

But at the same time, I know (since oh.... 7th grade) that the past tense of see is saw, (and even though my non-grammar mind can't tell you the proper tense name, I can tell you that it is always necessary to slap a "have" between the words "I" and "seen").



Grr.... this is what happens when (i) get back into blogging... all I wanna do it complain about things that bother me. But really now, when a damn science major is that guy who corrects everyone's grammar.... something's not right.

But then again, maybe we'll done get moved back to Texas soon.